So, I went to Summerfest yesterday. Summerfest is one of the biggest music festivals in the world, and it just started this week. I went to see Civil Twilight and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and I left with two and a half albums, and an extra shirt, and I was there for about seven hours. As you might expect, I sit in front of my computer most days, so standing and walking for seven hours is...painful.
Honestly, the small bones in the bottom of my feet felt like they had bent from straight lines into something resembling a squished spider. Afterwards, as I got my weight off of my mangled feet, I contemplated a way to get out of ever having to walk again. I've been reading science fiction lately, so I starting contemplating the classic jetpacks. Y'know, the backpack that lets you fly? But, I tossed the idea aside, mostly because I am not science-minded, and therefore have no real idea as to how to create an accessory that has the means to overcome gravity, and a fuel source for said means, and be light and stylish enough that people will want to buy it.
Yea, I totally plan on making money for this stuff.
So, I threw away the jetpack idea because there was absolutely NO WAY that I could make it work. Instead, I turned to the black arts. What if I could cast a long-lasting and controllable levitation spell? That would certainly fit the bill, and it looks cool to boot. Unfortunately, I am not a mage, or a druid, so I can't actually defy gravity for more than a second or two.
But wait...I can create energy by sucking it from the souls of young law students. What if...no...it couldn't work...yes it could...YES!!! A plan has come into being inside the cookie masquerading as my brain!
Step 1: use my magicks (Yes, I did try to make it look cooler by adding a 'k') to create a sustainable energy source about the size of a tennis ball.
Step 2: secure said energy source into a metal container, and pass it off as science.
Step 3: hire a bunch of smart guys to build the rest of the jetpack.
Step 4: sell it at Summerfest and make a killing
Step 5: Retire young and buy a castle in Scotland with lots of really cool secret passageways.
Yep, this'll be awesome. I stayed up all night concocting this plan and stealing the souls of people in law school, and got no sleep after my full day the day before. I came out of my basement at a normal time, looking like a teenager that had just had about eight hours of sleep. In other words, I looked half-asleep. I went through the day normally (read 'normally' as 'lazing around on the couch') ate dinner yada yada yada. Then came the airport.
I am bound for California, because the energy pouring from the San Andreas fault is the perfect cooking spot to create my little ball of explosions, and I got on the plane at eight in the evening. We took off quickly, and about half an hour in, the pilot talked on his little speaker system.
"It appears that the wing is about to fall off. We're probably going to have to make an emergency landing. Most of you will probably die. Have a nice day."
Okay, so that's not exactly what he said, but we needed to turn around. We landed, back where we started, and some people in jumpsuits and armed with flashlights and duct tape came to look at the injured wing.
"So, ya," imagine a Fargo accent, "You guys are gonna have to get on another plane because this one won't fly. However, the boys up top say that you have to wait until tomorrow morning, and we're having a whole lot of trouble finding hotels. Good luck!"
I had a really bad feeling that the souls of the lawyers that were nesting somewhere in my father's nose (only place I could put them without him noticing) were really pissed at me, and used their cosmic powers to screw me over.
But ha! I got a hotel room! One point for me! However, it is midnight, and my plane leaves at eight in the morning, which means I have to leave the hotel before six.
Yea, I think the lawyers win this round.
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