Monday, April 25, 2011

Day AFTER Easter.

The day after Easter.  All the candy is on sale, and stuff goes on as normal.  No real impact from what everyone was yelling about the day before.

Now, some people, people more religious than I, would not understand the serious repercussions of celebrating someone coming back from the dead.  Do you know what it means?

Zombies are gaining our trust.

Yes, zombies.  Shambling corpses, hungering for brains and entrails.  Half magical, half scientific creatures, the walking dead.  One of the many monsters this world knows, and they are gaining our trust!  Bad juju...very bad juju.  Zombies had always been things that were stupid, beings of muscle and numbers as opposed to brains (haha) and cleverness.  We only needed fast feet and a big gun.  Now, however, we need to keep our brains (Okay, I need to stop these brain puns now) about us, because the zombies are fooling us.  Like I said, bad juju.

Now, we must figure out a way to combat these zombies, and the best way to do that is to survive.  If you don't already have one, go and get one of these.

or any book of the same sort.  Maybe, you should write your own, after killing a few hundred zombies every Zombie Jesus Day.  Er, Easter.  Sorry, force of habit.  If you do write a survival guide of your own, give a copy to a friend.

There are a few things to do with zombie fighting that everyone should know.  First of all; run.  Seriously.  Zombies are slow, and it is more important to survive than to kill.  Second; Kill them all.

Yes, I'm aware that these two seem slightly contradictory, but trust me, they make sense...if you don't have much of a brain (Ok, I needed to put one more in there.  Last one, I swear)  Let me put it another way.  Take care of yourself, then take care of the zombies.  Does that make more sense?

Just, trust me.  I know what I'm doing.  I've had experience in this type of thing.  You want to know why?

I've got a creepy basement.

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